It's been 2 years since my last post and my life is drastically different.
For one thing, my divorce was finalized the day before Valentine's Day this year. We've had problems all along, and we stopped functioning as a couple. It's not that I don't care about him, we've kept things amicable. Perhaps someday we can be friends, though things are a bit rough as yet. I'm a 32 year old divorcee. I'm not sure how I feel about that, entirely. I just know it was a needed change.
I also have just moved to a new place, a condo of which I am renting half from a friend. I sleep on a series of wedge pillows on the couch for my GERD. I painted my room, which is going to be my office. It has 3 teal walls and a royal purple one. It looks like a jewel-box. I have always wanted a teal room, and now I have it! I will post pictures when I have things more organized. Right now I am still slowly unpacking. I need to get things straightened up, as I intend to finally start my crafting business online with an etsy or artfire page. I intend to focus on polymer clay, ICE resin, & soldered glass pendants. I also want to learn to sew -- perhaps some simple purses & pillows with my die-cut images on them will sell, as well. I am inspired by the steampunk movement, gaming, pin-ups, Victoriana, architecture, gothic designs, nature.
We've had a cold-snap, and I spent the last week trying to get my Lyrica refilled, so my fibromyalgia and arthritis have been acting up, but I have my medicine now, so things should improve on that front soon. I need to start doing my stretching exercises again. I also had a stomach-bug, but I'm getting better -- slowly.
I've started listening to music again. I missed it. It has been very helpful in getting me through this time of upheaval. I can't dance to it as much as I'd like, though -- I bruised the ends of the long-bones in both feet while painting the walls. Apparently going up on the balls of my feet to reach the last 6 inches to my cut-in line at the tops and bottoms of the walls was a very bad idea. Next time I'll use the step ladder for the tops and make myself sit properly to get down to the baseboards. I hadn't realized how much I use the balls of my feet -- it's where I usually put my weight when I walk and dance. I'm supposed to be icing them, but it's an excruciating process, and I haven't been very good about doing it consistently, especially when it's cold outside. Bad Megan! I am working on it, along with everything else.
I lost a lot of weight during the move, which is good - I can fit into my size 14 cords and jeans again! Unfortunately, I bought a bunch of new clothes when I was an 18, and I don't think those can be tailored down that far. So I need to donate them and get some more clothes that will fit me out of storage. And maybe buy a few new things, too. We'll see.
Wish me luck with my new endeavors! Any and all tips are welcome.
Thanks,
~Teal
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Nasty Doubts, Awesome Hubby
“Fear is the mind-killer.”
I can’t remember if this quote is from Dune or Ender’s Game. I know it’s true. But I can’t seem to stop myself from fearing, from worrying, from endlessly second-guessing everything. I create designs, make plans, buy materials… and then they sit there, untouched, because I’m so afraid of screwing up, of wasting, of even trying until I think I have everything else lined up in my “office,” life, whatever. Or because I don’t have everything I actually need because I didn’t fully realize how much it would cost, or the timing was wrong or just because it gives me an excuse to hide my fears behind. What is wrong with me?
And then today I went to pieces because they have discontinued not only my shade of hair-dye, but the entire line it’s in, the only one I’ve found like it, with separate highlight kit in the box. But took me years of trial and error to settle on it, and I’ve used the same hair-dye for the past 8 years. It was a little more expensive, but completely worth it. I sometimes went a bit longer between sessions with it when times were tight, but I (and then we) always budgeted for it. It always got me compliments, and people were always surprised to learn that it wasn’t my “natural hair-color”. I was proud to be able to pass as a natural red-head. I have always said that it was “heart color, not my root color.” It was always there when I needed to feel beautiful. I didn’t fully realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in that specific box of hair-dye, with its familiarity.
I normally handle change pretty well, by all accounts. But with everything else in flux right now, this was my tipping point. Granted, my birthday was yesterday – a strange and wacky-but-wonderful one - so that probably didn’t help either. I HATE crying. But I did – and not the silent tears I can usually get by with to mask my upset. No, this was great gasping sobs. Hubby had to comfort me. And then he took me out, all over town (again) to find a new hair-dye to try. And for Dollar Menu ™ hot fudge sundaes, even though we’ve been trying to be better about our diet for my joint problems (and our waist-lines). I don’t know what I’d do without him, and I never want to find out. He’s the best.
I can’t remember if this quote is from Dune or Ender’s Game. I know it’s true. But I can’t seem to stop myself from fearing, from worrying, from endlessly second-guessing everything. I create designs, make plans, buy materials… and then they sit there, untouched, because I’m so afraid of screwing up, of wasting, of even trying until I think I have everything else lined up in my “office,” life, whatever. Or because I don’t have everything I actually need because I didn’t fully realize how much it would cost, or the timing was wrong or just because it gives me an excuse to hide my fears behind. What is wrong with me?
And then today I went to pieces because they have discontinued not only my shade of hair-dye, but the entire line it’s in, the only one I’ve found like it, with separate highlight kit in the box. But took me years of trial and error to settle on it, and I’ve used the same hair-dye for the past 8 years. It was a little more expensive, but completely worth it. I sometimes went a bit longer between sessions with it when times were tight, but I (and then we) always budgeted for it. It always got me compliments, and people were always surprised to learn that it wasn’t my “natural hair-color”. I was proud to be able to pass as a natural red-head. I have always said that it was “heart color, not my root color.” It was always there when I needed to feel beautiful. I didn’t fully realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in that specific box of hair-dye, with its familiarity.
I normally handle change pretty well, by all accounts. But with everything else in flux right now, this was my tipping point. Granted, my birthday was yesterday – a strange and wacky-but-wonderful one - so that probably didn’t help either. I HATE crying. But I did – and not the silent tears I can usually get by with to mask my upset. No, this was great gasping sobs. Hubby had to comfort me. And then he took me out, all over town (again) to find a new hair-dye to try. And for Dollar Menu ™ hot fudge sundaes, even though we’ve been trying to be better about our diet for my joint problems (and our waist-lines). I don’t know what I’d do without him, and I never want to find out. He’s the best.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Finally!
"Baby steps. Baby steps to the door. Baby steps down the hallway. Baby steps to the elevator. Baby steps getting on the elevator. [Sound of screaming as the elevator descends]" - from the movie "What About Bob?"
After all this time, and hemming and hawing, I'm finally starting my blog! I still don't know what all of the settings available even mean, but at least I'm putting something out there, "really and truly." I get too hung up on the details, though sometimes that's half the fun. I'm terrified of what the response will or won't be. But I'm pushing and stretching myself. Maybe it will help me grow. As I'm about to turn 31, I'm pushing myself out of my nest of hiding and worrying and recriminations. I don't expect to fly, I just hope not to fall so often, hard or far that I can't pick myself up again for another try.
So, without further ado, a bit about me:
I love to do bead-work, and have played at design of every flavor off and on for years. I devour crafting and DIY magazines, books, websites, blogs. Truth be told, I am a complete bibliophile - though my appetites are by no means limited to books. It's more of a love affair with stories, told through any medium. I follow so many web-comics that it boggles my husband's mind. I like the idea of sewing (still working on the nuts and bolts of the process).
My favorite color, as my blog title suggests, is Teal. I mentioned it a few times too often while working on a project long ago, and it became my nickname. At a rough point in my life, someone told me, "It takes a lot of canary yellow to make teal," and the larger implications of that statement trined with something in me. Hence, the handle of Teal Canary. I sometimes use this name in my artwork, so it seemed appropriate here as well.
As it is quite late here (or very, Very early, depending on one's perspective), I will expound more in my next post.
"Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you/ Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you/ And in your dreams, whatever they be/ Dream a little dream of me."
After all this time, and hemming and hawing, I'm finally starting my blog! I still don't know what all of the settings available even mean, but at least I'm putting something out there, "really and truly." I get too hung up on the details, though sometimes that's half the fun. I'm terrified of what the response will or won't be. But I'm pushing and stretching myself. Maybe it will help me grow. As I'm about to turn 31, I'm pushing myself out of my nest of hiding and worrying and recriminations. I don't expect to fly, I just hope not to fall so often, hard or far that I can't pick myself up again for another try.
So, without further ado, a bit about me:
I love to do bead-work, and have played at design of every flavor off and on for years. I devour crafting and DIY magazines, books, websites, blogs. Truth be told, I am a complete bibliophile - though my appetites are by no means limited to books. It's more of a love affair with stories, told through any medium. I follow so many web-comics that it boggles my husband's mind. I like the idea of sewing (still working on the nuts and bolts of the process).
My favorite color, as my blog title suggests, is Teal. I mentioned it a few times too often while working on a project long ago, and it became my nickname. At a rough point in my life, someone told me, "It takes a lot of canary yellow to make teal," and the larger implications of that statement trined with something in me. Hence, the handle of Teal Canary. I sometimes use this name in my artwork, so it seemed appropriate here as well.
As it is quite late here (or very, Very early, depending on one's perspective), I will expound more in my next post.
"Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you/ Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you/ And in your dreams, whatever they be/ Dream a little dream of me."
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